After the big break up, it took me a couple of weeks to realize one of the most effective ways of getting over it. And that is to try as much as you can to blame the other party. And believe me when i say it really help in getting over the whole lost in love shit. I pulled through, I did that and for the next week or so, I felt really good. Like really really good. Maybe deep down I suppressed the emotions just enough to feel happy but I genuinely felt good. But then shit went down and that happy period that I just talked about? Gone in less than 3 seconds.
The breakup was really, meh. My first true breakup so I didn't know what to expect. It was through messaging, so given my experience spending so much time on twitter, it seemed as if breaking up through messaging was like the worst way to go. But I didn't know better. So that was that.
Then shit happened and up till this point in time, I did not understand why I did what I did. Only logical explanation to me was that I was so lost and so desperate that I was just did anything and everything I could. Kinda like a fish out of water flailing it's arms around trying to survive only to fail. I can't reveal the details of what exactly happened, but just know that when you do something out of desperation, 9 out of 10 times there's no logic behind it, and there is no right as well. And that's what happened to me so basically I was 100% in the wrong. Ever since then I never could forgive myself, let alone blame the breakup on her.
I did something that contradicted everything I stood for, every decision I made to back up my moralities and all that went down the drain in an instant. Not a day passes where I don't think about that scene and the things I would give to just not made that call.
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