So today I thought about suicide. (Well that escalated quickly) But I didn't think about doing it, just the thought of death and all. It was easy to understand why suicide was happening on such a consistent basis, albeit a terrible act but happens nonetheless. Everyone knows why it happens. Because dying is the easy way out. Because how can problems haunt you when you don't even exist anymore? Easy right? But I guess the one thing different about suicide and other easy-ass shit is that, suicide has a permanent consequence that no one, literally no one has ever lived to talk about it(BA DUM TSS). Honestly I have thought about it, about actually just ending all that I ever know. But I guess I was just wise enough to know that that is just downright idiotic and stupid, to say the least. And it wasn't worth it. Worth the effort to take to kill oneself. But I never really convinced myself it was because of that and that's why I didn't do it. I convinced myself that it was simply because I was afraid. Afraid of dying. What helped is that if I ever were to commit suicide I wanted to do it in the most dramatic way possible. Like jumping off 20 stories high or trying to wrestle a bear or even saving another person from like a freak accident (last one isn't really suicide but same thing). But I was afraid of acting it out. Maybe that's just God's way of prolong my life and maybe that's why I'm here right now. I gave up on trying to accomplish anything years ago. Because that's how cruel society and reality is. The only way you can ever accomplish any immeasurable feat is if you have some sort of infinite motivation, like a life of poverty or living up to whoever's around you that's a somebody somewhere. Me? I'm just a dude who lives away from city life. I resigned to fate when I was 14. I believed in a higher power of existence, whatever people want to call it,God or logic. But I knew that 'it' has planned something for each and everyone of us, whether we choose to do something or not. So I'd rather lay back and wait for fate to make way for me. Anyway, moving back on track. Maybe I haven't reached to a point where it actually pushed my thoughts into 100% commiting suicide. But I don't think I'll ever do it anyway. I'm 18, and believe or not I feel like I've done a lot in my life so far, albeit it ain't me being some internet star or some competition winner but I've done things in proud of. And I wanna keep doing it. So for those whom have suicidal thoughts, I would like to say: Stop and think, whom have you made smile, even if it's for a second, whom have you impacted their lives, whom have you stopped to think for them, care about them. Commiting suicide is never the answer to anything. This may sound corny but, if you die, people will mourn. And you will disappoint them. Pain is temporary, and will forever come and go in your life for as long as you live, but it is not a reason to end your life because of something so persistent. There are people around the world who feel the same way you do, or even been through whatever you feel now. Just understand that every time you overcome pain, you can only get stronger. 

Peace.