I am only as naive as the lies you feed me

Time and time again you have shown me the err in myself. This time showing how naive and blind I was, to hold you against your word. To have so truly believed that you meant every word you said back then. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
I have never stopped blaming myself for what I did, more than you think, and more than you'll ever know. You think I am a heartless, evil and immature dickhead and I don't ever blame you for that.
I see where you are coming from and given your character, it'll be hard to have seen it any other way. What's worst is after so long, I cannot for the life of me see what the point I was trying to get across through those actions. I remember each and every word you said, even up to this very second, every conversation we had, every letter you spelled. Believing everything only to realise that all of them are lies, doubting every time you said 'I never'. The phrase "Love is blind"  is an understatement for what it truly is. You don't just become blind to everything around you, your mind is instantly blind as well. You won't ever doubt a word she says, you won't think twice about her actions. All you'll ever care is if she ever whispers the words 'I love you' ever again. Maybe it is just me, being a complete desperado in love. You know what? Even knowing she went back on her word, even knowing she lied straight to me face, I still can't blame her. My wrong outweighs all of hers. It could again just be me, but then again, who'd give a fuck. As far as I'm concerned, I am alone.

Poly kiddo

I'd assume that y'all readers (if any) are kinda sorta curious about my current educational standing. Well, I am a Temasek Polytechnic student under CMM (I'll leave that for you guys to figure out). In any case, for my overseas readers (if any), a polytechnic is essentially a college school but instead of your usual textbook and maths and shit, the students are taught working skills, e.g Public Speaking, Engineering, Technological skills etc. Its pretty dope when I make it sound like that, but reality is, it's just as stressful as any other (junior) college is. I've been on the losing end lately (unfortunately) and worst is, I'm still feeling in the dumps ever since the break-up (YES I AM STILL HARPING ON IT, GET OFF MY BACK) so on top of feeling shitty I am feeling even more shitty. Worst part is, as I am typing on this blog post, I am barely done with ONE of my projects. UGH. But the thing is, we often say that Poly is for those who know what they want to have a career in, which is very true, provided you work your ass off for it. I am, kinda,sorta,maybe. Mmmmm. On the bright side, I've met a bunch of great people and I really feel damn grateful. (Also I'm in the class with all the pretties so hurray right?) I've seen worst (worst classes I mean, and people).
Anyway, just want to let y'all know that if you're in poly, or any form of school for that matter, take the time to appreciate those around you. Sometimes you are in a position where people dream of, where good friends actually exist, you just don't know how much you take something for granted till its lost.
Signing off here. Poly Kid. Stress AF. Y'allz stay happy.

I am.

I am the type of boyfriend who will get very clingy. I am the type of boyfriend that will get jealous as fuck if I see a guy taking a picture with you. I am the type of boyfriend where I need an answer for everything you do. I am the type of boyfriend that needs your fullest attention. I am the type of boyfriend that acts like the female side of the relationship. But I am also the type of boyfriend who will not hesitate at giving you my 200%. I am the typ of boyfriend that will give you all that I have and the best I can give. I am the type of boyfriend that will remember all you said and make any of your wants come true to the best of my abilities. I am the type of boyfriend that will shield you from anything, laying your needs before mine. 

I am like this because I have always been alone. I am like this because love has never been on my side. I am like this because no one else will ever understand why I will ever feel. I am like this because I am who I am. I am like this because I know what it's like to be left so alone and I never want someone else to feel what I felt. I am that type of person,boyfriend,friend.