Whys and Insanity

Goddamit. Writing this on 15% battery. GG.


I've just had about enough with being the "that guy that doesn't ask questions" yet when I do they say "that's the guy that needs to know why your mom's name is Mary". I ask questions, a lot. And I come across as proud, A LOT. But I really try not to be. Sure I do almost always give unnecessary comments and information, but my message is meant well. It's not like I want to come across as annoying on purpose (Believe me, if I wanted to, y'all be dead). I just have a tendency of telling or saying stuff that I feel is important or useful. Not everyone might think the same way, but do you really think I'm using my brain at the spur of the moment?
I'm not likeable (At least I think I'm not). Sure amongst my friends I'm known to be pretty Singaporean and to be the "Singaporean Joker" (Or at least I think I am. You see, that's just it. Everything is just "I think-s" and "At least-s" but it shouldn't be. So I become the targetting board. The one who asks the questions but doesn't ask the questions and get shot either way. Sure I'm used to it but everyone has their limits, me included. So why? Why do I have to be the one asking the questions? Why can't I ask questions? Why can't I NOT ask questions? Why does it have to be me? I don't see the nerdy kid being picked on, I don't see the most hated girl in class receiving the bullshit. But I'm the guy that everyone thinks is so incredibly oblivious to his surroundings that people feel like they are free to talk shit about me as and when they want (If y'all know you are and y'all are reading this, I KNOW BITCH). It's not like I care too much about it, but if enough people are talking about it, you start to question yourself, "Is (A) and (B) saying about me really true?"
The worst part is, you know people are talking about you. You even KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. But the harsh reality is, it's so hard to confront them about it because there is that ever so slight chance that you're wrong. And if that became the beast that became the man, then you're fucked. You're public enemy number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.  You come across as being more complacent than you already seem to be. You become an instant douchebag. You became everyone's go to man if they need advice on "How to be a dick to your own mother", So you just let everyone say what they want, when they want. You become the substitute that never plays, the bench warmer, the seat filler, the unnecessary condiments, the punching bag that is everyone's favorite. And when it's quiet and you decide to play your cards, everyone gives you the only Royal Flush you'll ever see for the rest of time. Down the fucking toilet.
I've had enough of being the "Target Guy". That's why I'm usually an ass to everyone. No one is pure nice in this world, even if they seem to be, they won't be. It's that type of world. It's the world that we have supposedly "evolved" in.  We, have lost it. I have lost it. Our minds.