Hello my readers (if any). This gon' be a damn emo post. As in any relationship there are bound to be problems that arise,big and small. I'm having zero clue what the size is of mine right now,probably should give you an idea of it. From this point on the other party will only be called She. She's the love of my life. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without her. My life would suck. I've thought about it,about being without her. I pictured it to be me leading my former normal life as a singular. I was dead wrong. We distanced for about 12 hours and in between then,if I wasn't sleeping I was busy trying to rip my heart apart so the pain would end. I know in any problem and argument both parties will be at a fault. In my case I fully admit my case. I know to her I'm clingy and too obsessed and I can say I can't help it. I have tried to surpress it and I do so often it might become a habit. It's just who I am. I admit that I'm afraid of being alone. In any case if I can choose id rather be with a stranger than choose to be alone. That's because I'm already suffering in silence at home with no one to talk to because no one ever talks. And no one understands. I love her,I love her so much I hurt us. And I cannot feel any more sorry than I already am. But as I said it will always be two sided. Due to personal reasons and circumstances I shall not list, our communication factor has never been really stable. And ever since she started schooling it only became worse. Failure in communication is an extremely dangerous thing. She may not see it but I do,very much so. And as per stated,due to the circumstance we have no choice. Or at least I don't. And because of that I suffer. One can only keep oneself temporarily busy,but for how long? I get stressed over it everyday and the pain never seems to go away. People say time heals all wounds and I believe that to be true,however this is not a wound,but a dagger stabbed in the chest that refuses to be removed.
Trust has also been broken between us. Not by me. It takes a long time to build up trust and she knows that better than even I do. And yet she did it. Albeit it had been almost a year since it happened,it still happened. It will still happen,it will still occur,but it's your choice to make that decision,to make it happen or not. She says she cannot help it,that she cannot stop herself. Honestly,complete bs. You can,you always can. It only becomes a matter of whether you're willing to do it. If you really love me I really believe you can. I'm not judging your love based on a decision. I'm judging it because there's nothing else to pit it up with. I am willing to change for you and I am. I can only ask of the same from you. You say love is lost but you want to gain it back,I have but one question. How can you gain it back,when you don't give yourself a chance to?
P.S
Sorry about the lack of proper content and arrangement. Too sad to be bothered with it. Cheers.
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