YEAR IN REVIEW

It is 2016. Hope you guys had fun celebrating with whoever whatever. And as many others, we always like to give a a quick look back into the year, seeing what went wrong and what went right. Well, there was no right for me in 2015. No right worth mentioning anyway. I didn't not enjoy 2015 at all.
It was the worst year I have ever had in my entire life (so far).  The year was filled with event, don't get me wrong, but those events, those that mattered anyway were pretty negative ones. It was a bad year right from the start and only went downhill. The worst part? Even when I tried to make it better by having fun on the very last day of 2015, it only ended up to be worst then anything before.
I went to the countdown party hoping to meet new people there and enjoy with the people I know. But I ended up looking fucking pathetic and just having the worst night of my life. Ugh.
I see people celebrating New years eve and I wanted to strangle them. You know when you just suddenly get pissed off at everyone for breathing or something of the sorts, well I had that except multiply it a billion-fold. Why? Because as a happy person you really get don't angry all that much. But when you do you suddenly become angry at the whole world for existing and you wish you could burn everyone that just walks by you. I was pissed. Not at anyone but for having to go through that shit for one entire year.And the thing is, you will never know if the next year will be like the last. Will it be better? Will it be worse? There is no way of knowing. And that's the one thing that I am so afraid of. What if 2016 will be as bad or even worse? What if I don't make it out? What if the what ifs don't become what ifs anymore? I hated 2015. i hated the way it began and the way it ended. The one thing that will make me happy is if I could just start burning people alive and shout and scream and just see people trying to go through what I did. Sadist? You could say so. Psychopath? Pushing it, but I'll take it. I don't care if I'm judged for what I said because everyone has the same thoughts too. I just have enough balls to say them. I don't want to wish people a Happy new year. I don't like giving people expectations. I didn't havee a good year and I don't want people too either.

Death

This is quite different from my usually relationship shitty posts. The thing I wanna talk about today applies to everybody and something I think is very important but only can be taught by oneself. No it is not those "Is there life after death" cliche questions. My subject today is for my readers (if any); How do you face the death of a loved one or those closest to you.

I have't had much experience on this actually. I am pretty lucky. Most of my family members are still with me since my birth. Both my granddads passed before I was born and my grandma and uncle passed awhile back (Rest in Peace). But anywho, moving on. I don't have enough experience to be able to talk on this subject. But I feel like preparation wise I'm pretty okay. Not good, not bad, just, okay. I've always embraced the fact that people die. Whether they're 3 years old or 300 years old, if they're time is up then we have to let them go. There are many thing us humans can do to change the course of nature and turn it in our favor. Death will never be one of them. We can't embrace death for other people since 1, I'm talking about how WE face the passing of our loved ones and 2, they're dying not you.
There isn't like a high and mighty solution that  helps anyone and everyone overcome death. I wish there was but I guarantee that there is none.
Death is inevitable. It happens to us and everyone around. It is not something to be happy about. It is not something we should worry of as well. If it comes then let it so. We mourn, we pray, we bask in their last moments and we carry on with our lives. I'm not asking you guys to suck it up. But I'm asking you to suck it up. Death happens to even the best of us and there will never be anything anyone can ever do to change that.
One thing is for certain, we can only live our life in honor of those who passed, to live through what they wanted to and to represent their life with ours.



PS Suck it up. and I'm too lazy to drag on the post.

(insert positive words here)

Yes for once this is a positive blog post. Because for once in a long time I've felt carefree (not happy,not yet). Spending weeks in my current diploma course with camps and time with the whole cohord helped so much with my own 'recovery' process. I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I did but even in glad I did. My year 2 seniors (tho their called juniors even though their a year older than us) held like 4 different camps/ events for us to just bond with the cohord and make sure everyone was friends with one another. Sure that'll take a lot more than just time but it sorta succeeded in a way  both with the befriending thing and with me sort of recovering from myself. The events and camps weren't much, just the same old you'd come to know (and love) but I guess what made it really really fun was not really us year 1s but the IG (Interest Group) members, namely the year 2s because they were really interactive and inspiring. They weren't just your average student leaders, you could really see not just the effort they put in, their sincerity shined out as well  and you know, it just reminded me of my own teaching. That God (any one you believe in) is fair, in a sense that there is never more bad people than good people and vice versa. And that things can and will eventually be better. That eventually the only things that will matter will be the things that you want to make them matter. Anywho the event was Bonding day (amongst any other) and needless to say it was to help to bond not just the year 1s together but everyone under CMM and it was more than just fun. I haven't played Captain's ball in a while and Pliny with and against the year 2s and 3s was, well, extremely exhausting. But it was all so worth it, to me at least. I finally got a day to take my mind and body off things (and off work) and it was fantastic. 

Then after the whole bonding day thing my class had a BBQ at my place that we sorta wanted to bond the class closer since all the other classes had already done it away before. I didn't know if it was because it was soon after bonding day but a lot people turned up. Doesn't really happen in most BBQs but it was great that everyone did. It was fun watching everyone sort of bond as a class (since we weren't really really tight) and everyone did enjoy themselves. Albeit I was BBQing literally the whole time but I had fun. Seeing people enjoy the food was more than filling for moì. Alas the day had to end and everyone said their farewells. I was glad I could make everyone (and their stomachs) happy and would do it again at a flip of a dime. For once in a long long time I didn't feel sad.