It's one of those days where you wake up having no expectations for the day to come. You just want to continue your life as is and get it over and done with. Then God decides to fuck you up by putting tiny pieces of shit in your life. Not enough to make it the worst day ever, but enough to ruin the mood for the day and just your attitude.
I hated today. HATED. I usually don't even say hate, much less use it. It wasn't a day that messed up. It was just a messed up day. Just a bunch of shit crammed into one. I was looking forward to today, believe or not. The original plan was tomorrow is gonna be a good day. And the best day is actually the day before a good day. Because you get an idea of what that DAY will be. And not because you planned it to be, but because everyone else is sharing with you.
WELL HERE'S A NOPE FOR YOU.
Then "BAM", everything goes downhill. I was told that tomorrow's plans were changed, and whilst I have yet to be confirmed to be affected, it doesn't take a dumbass to know who's been changed to do what. It sucks. I was looking forward to it for a couple months and they tell you "You've been assigned to somewhere else. Suck it". So everything start to go negative as well.
Then somehow (could just be me), there have been negative vibes getting from everyone I see today, like (OMG that's [ME], dammit, it's gonna be a rough day]. And I'm not talking about the joking kind. Sure, I know I'm not exactly Number 1 likeable guy, but I have my moments, and I have my friendship bonds, but if they're bonds made up on lies and deceit, I'd rather burn my limb alive and throw the ashes at the other guy/ gal.
I'm on a radio show (Go figure) that at certain times I kinda have to record my voice to make up for another day. But due to circumstance someone gave up their time to me to finish. I felt bad. VERY. And it's not like I wanted to continue, I simply didn't have a choice. And I knew that I could've just made myself suffer instead of making him pay the price. But I didn't. Maybe my inner demons are finally coming. Maybe I've been angry enough at them, at the world to finally show my true colors. Maybe I finally get to show everyone that I'm a bad person. Or maybe I'm afraid, of losing the painstaking facade I have built for 19 years. Maybe I'm afraid that if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll have more enemies than friends.
I'm angry. I always have been. Always will be. It's not an anger that can be satiated over a single night, or even committing crimes. It's not that anger. It's anger that when released, you know the consequence, but you do it because for once in your life you are doing something YOU WANT, however dire the consequences are, It was never about the bad day. It was never about how much annoying you can take in a day. Heck, it's not even about what emotions you feel. It's about realizing that one day, ONE DAY, you will submit to your inner demons, you will finally tell yourself, it's okay to be bad. You will finally say, "I've just had about e-fucking-nough".
Tuesday, 19 April 2016
Friday, 1 January 2016
YEAR IN REVIEW
It is 2016. Hope you guys had fun celebrating with whoever whatever. And as many others, we always like to give a a quick look back into the year, seeing what went wrong and what went right. Well, there was no right for me in 2015. No right worth mentioning anyway. I didn't not enjoy 2015 at all.
It was the worst year I have ever had in my entire life (so far). The year was filled with event, don't get me wrong, but those events, those that mattered anyway were pretty negative ones. It was a bad year right from the start and only went downhill. The worst part? Even when I tried to make it better by having fun on the very last day of 2015, it only ended up to be worst then anything before.
I went to the countdown party hoping to meet new people there and enjoy with the people I know. But I ended up looking fucking pathetic and just having the worst night of my life. Ugh.
I see people celebrating New years eve and I wanted to strangle them. You know when you just suddenly get pissed off at everyone for breathing or something of the sorts, well I had that except multiply it a billion-fold. Why? Because as a happy person you really get don't angry all that much. But when you do you suddenly become angry at the whole world for existing and you wish you could burn everyone that just walks by you. I was pissed. Not at anyone but for having to go through that shit for one entire year.And the thing is, you will never know if the next year will be like the last. Will it be better? Will it be worse? There is no way of knowing. And that's the one thing that I am so afraid of. What if 2016 will be as bad or even worse? What if I don't make it out? What if the what ifs don't become what ifs anymore? I hated 2015. i hated the way it began and the way it ended. The one thing that will make me happy is if I could just start burning people alive and shout and scream and just see people trying to go through what I did. Sadist? You could say so. Psychopath? Pushing it, but I'll take it. I don't care if I'm judged for what I said because everyone has the same thoughts too. I just have enough balls to say them. I don't want to wish people a Happy new year. I don't like giving people expectations. I didn't havee a good year and I don't want people too either.
It was the worst year I have ever had in my entire life (so far). The year was filled with event, don't get me wrong, but those events, those that mattered anyway were pretty negative ones. It was a bad year right from the start and only went downhill. The worst part? Even when I tried to make it better by having fun on the very last day of 2015, it only ended up to be worst then anything before.
I went to the countdown party hoping to meet new people there and enjoy with the people I know. But I ended up looking fucking pathetic and just having the worst night of my life. Ugh.
I see people celebrating New years eve and I wanted to strangle them. You know when you just suddenly get pissed off at everyone for breathing or something of the sorts, well I had that except multiply it a billion-fold. Why? Because as a happy person you really get don't angry all that much. But when you do you suddenly become angry at the whole world for existing and you wish you could burn everyone that just walks by you. I was pissed. Not at anyone but for having to go through that shit for one entire year.And the thing is, you will never know if the next year will be like the last. Will it be better? Will it be worse? There is no way of knowing. And that's the one thing that I am so afraid of. What if 2016 will be as bad or even worse? What if I don't make it out? What if the what ifs don't become what ifs anymore? I hated 2015. i hated the way it began and the way it ended. The one thing that will make me happy is if I could just start burning people alive and shout and scream and just see people trying to go through what I did. Sadist? You could say so. Psychopath? Pushing it, but I'll take it. I don't care if I'm judged for what I said because everyone has the same thoughts too. I just have enough balls to say them. I don't want to wish people a Happy new year. I don't like giving people expectations. I didn't havee a good year and I don't want people too either.
Saturday, 5 December 2015
Death
This is quite different from my usually relationship shitty posts. The thing I wanna talk about today applies to everybody and something I think is very important but only can be taught by oneself. No it is not those "Is there life after death" cliche questions. My subject today is for my readers (if any); How do you face the death of a loved one or those closest to you.
I have't had much experience on this actually. I am pretty lucky. Most of my family members are still with me since my birth. Both my granddads passed before I was born and my grandma and uncle passed awhile back (Rest in Peace). But anywho, moving on. I don't have enough experience to be able to talk on this subject. But I feel like preparation wise I'm pretty okay. Not good, not bad, just, okay. I've always embraced the fact that people die. Whether they're 3 years old or 300 years old, if they're time is up then we have to let them go. There are many thing us humans can do to change the course of nature and turn it in our favor. Death will never be one of them. We can't embrace death for other people since 1, I'm talking about how WE face the passing of our loved ones and 2, they're dying not you.
There isn't like a high and mighty solution that helps anyone and everyone overcome death. I wish there was but I guarantee that there is none.
Death is inevitable. It happens to us and everyone around. It is not something to be happy about. It is not something we should worry of as well. If it comes then let it so. We mourn, we pray, we bask in their last moments and we carry on with our lives. I'm not asking you guys to suck it up. But I'm asking you to suck it up. Death happens to even the best of us and there will never be anything anyone can ever do to change that.
One thing is for certain, we can only live our life in honor of those who passed, to live through what they wanted to and to represent their life with ours.
PS Suck it up. and I'm too lazy to drag on the post.
I have't had much experience on this actually. I am pretty lucky. Most of my family members are still with me since my birth. Both my granddads passed before I was born and my grandma and uncle passed awhile back (Rest in Peace). But anywho, moving on. I don't have enough experience to be able to talk on this subject. But I feel like preparation wise I'm pretty okay. Not good, not bad, just, okay. I've always embraced the fact that people die. Whether they're 3 years old or 300 years old, if they're time is up then we have to let them go. There are many thing us humans can do to change the course of nature and turn it in our favor. Death will never be one of them. We can't embrace death for other people since 1, I'm talking about how WE face the passing of our loved ones and 2, they're dying not you.
There isn't like a high and mighty solution that helps anyone and everyone overcome death. I wish there was but I guarantee that there is none.
Death is inevitable. It happens to us and everyone around. It is not something to be happy about. It is not something we should worry of as well. If it comes then let it so. We mourn, we pray, we bask in their last moments and we carry on with our lives. I'm not asking you guys to suck it up. But I'm asking you to suck it up. Death happens to even the best of us and there will never be anything anyone can ever do to change that.
One thing is for certain, we can only live our life in honor of those who passed, to live through what they wanted to and to represent their life with ours.
PS Suck it up. and I'm too lazy to drag on the post.
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