It's one of those days where you wake up having no expectations for the day to come. You just want to continue your life as is and get it over and done with. Then God decides to fuck you up by putting tiny pieces of shit in your life. Not enough to make it the worst day ever, but enough to ruin the mood for the day and just your attitude.
I hated today. HATED. I usually don't even say hate, much less use it. It wasn't a day that messed up. It was just a messed up day. Just a bunch of shit crammed into one. I was looking forward to today, believe or not. The original plan was tomorrow is gonna be a good day. And the best day is actually the day before a good day. Because you get an idea of what that DAY will be. And not because you planned it to be, but because everyone else is sharing with you.
WELL HERE'S A NOPE FOR YOU.
Then "BAM", everything goes downhill. I was told that tomorrow's plans were changed, and whilst I have yet to be confirmed to be affected, it doesn't take a dumbass to know who's been changed to do what. It sucks. I was looking forward to it for a couple months and they tell you "You've been assigned to somewhere else. Suck it". So everything start to go negative as well.
Then somehow (could just be me), there have been negative vibes getting from everyone I see today, like (OMG that's [ME], dammit, it's gonna be a rough day]. And I'm not talking about the joking kind. Sure, I know I'm not exactly Number 1 likeable guy, but I have my moments, and I have my friendship bonds, but if they're bonds made up on lies and deceit, I'd rather burn my limb alive and throw the ashes at the other guy/ gal.
I'm on a radio show (Go figure) that at certain times I kinda have to record my voice to make up for another day. But due to circumstance someone gave up their time to me to finish. I felt bad. VERY. And it's not like I wanted to continue, I simply didn't have a choice. And I knew that I could've just made myself suffer instead of making him pay the price. But I didn't. Maybe my inner demons are finally coming. Maybe I've been angry enough at them, at the world to finally show my true colors. Maybe I finally get to show everyone that I'm a bad person. Or maybe I'm afraid, of losing the painstaking facade I have built for 19 years. Maybe I'm afraid that if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll have more enemies than friends.
I'm angry. I always have been. Always will be. It's not an anger that can be satiated over a single night, or even committing crimes. It's not that anger. It's anger that when released, you know the consequence, but you do it because for once in your life you are doing something YOU WANT, however dire the consequences are, It was never about the bad day. It was never about how much annoying you can take in a day. Heck, it's not even about what emotions you feel. It's about realizing that one day, ONE DAY, you will submit to your inner demons, you will finally tell yourself, it's okay to be bad. You will finally say, "I've just had about e-fucking-nough".
